It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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