i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize