So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
