i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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