Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
