today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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