and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
