I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
