i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
