I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
