morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Blood and glitter go together right?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
