I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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