The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
