im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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