Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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