Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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