End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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