my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
