You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
