She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
