Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
