this beer tastes like vomit already
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
