2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
