if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
