I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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