I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize