Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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