Where did you get a picture of my penis
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
