You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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