Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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