So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just google imaged poop.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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