if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
