I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's like God shit irony all over that family
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
