my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I came so hard my ears popped.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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