I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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