this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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