i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
