cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
