nut hugger
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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