I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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