I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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