I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
