The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
