You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
