I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
