He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
