I'm passing your future prison.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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