I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
