So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
