Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
