He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
