OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
