As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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