sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
