We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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