He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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