I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
