can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
