Ketchup is God's man juice
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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