I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
