I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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