He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
