O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize