everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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