we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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