Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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