I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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