Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
