He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
