he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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