my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
me + whiskey = a bad person
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
