you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
