Plan B is the new Plan A
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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