he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
