I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
