we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
