We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
