Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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