I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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