i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
