I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
